Archive for the ‘Intimacy’ Category

Monogamy and happiness

Friday, March 18th, 2011

Referencing a Centers for Disease Control report this month that teens and twentys are waiting longer to have sex, New York Times columnist Ross Douthat tackles the subject of premarital sex.

In 2001, the study reported, 22 percent of Americans aged 15 to 24 were still virgins.  By 2008, that number was up to 28 percent.  Other research suggests that this trend may date back decades, and that young Americans have been growing more sexually conservative since the 1980s.

Why is this good news? … [because] there are different kinds of premarital sex.  There’s sex that’s actually pre-marital, in the sense that it involves monogamous couples on a path that might lead to matrimony one day.  Then there’s sex that’s casual and promiscuous, or just premature and ill considered.”

Monogamy matters, says Douthat, citing the research of two sociologists who authored a recent book, “Premarital Sex in America.”

Their research, which looks at sexual behavior among contemporary young adults, finds a significant correlation between sexual restraint and emotional well-being, between monogamy and happiness – and between promiscuity and depression.

This correlation is much stronger for women than for men.  Female emotional well-being seems to be tightly bound to sexual stability – which may help explain why overall female happiness has actually drifted downward since the sexual revolution.

In a follow-up blog post pivoting off a post by feminist Dana Goldstein, Douthat challenges progressives’ and feminists’ “reflexive hostility” to any criticism that the 60s sexual revolution has changed American sexual culture for the worse, “out of a fear that one concession will cost women every gain.”

Needless to say, I don’t think this is the right way to look at it.  The connection between feminism and sexual permissiveness strikes me as historically contingent rather that strictly necessary, and the economic and social gains that women have made since the 1960s seem robust enough to endure – or, more likely, continue apace – even amid a reconsideration of some of the social changes that accompanied them.  Yes, an ethic of sexual restraint can be turned to patriarchal ends, but so can an ethic of sexual permissiveness, as anyone who’s hung out in a frat house for any length of time can attest.

And the fact that smart feminists like Goldstein feel compelled to act all blasé … lest they give an inch to the forces of reaction, seems like one of the more regrettable aspects of the contemporary cultural debate.

Douthat’s column and post are worth reading.

“Doing it” less, later

Friday, March 18th, 2011

The Centers for Disease Control delivered a little healthier news report about the sexual behaviors of the 15- to 24-year old age group:

Fewer teens and young adults are having sex, a government survey shows, and theories abound for why they’re doing it less.  Experts say this generation may be more cautious than their predecessors, more aware of sexually spread diseases.  Or perhaps emphasis on abstinence in the past decade has had some influence.

Or maybe they’re just too busy.

“It’s not even on my radar,” said 17-year-old Abbey King of Hinsdale, Ill., a competitive swimmer who starts her day at 5 a.m. and falls into bed at 10:30 p.m. after swimming, school, weight lifting, running, more swimming, homework and a volunteer gig working with service dogs for the disabled.

The study [released March 3, 2011] is based on interviews of about 5,300 young people, ages 15 to 24.  It shows the proportion in that age group who said they’d never had oral, vaginal or anal sex rose in the past decade from 22 percent to about 28 percent.

There are other surveys of sexual behavior, but this is considered the largest and most reliable.  “It’s the gold standard,” said Bill Albert, chief program officer for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.

Read the AP news release here.

Study: Delaying Sex = More Stable Relationships, Satisfying Sex

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

bride-groomkneelingA new study by researcher Dean Busby and colleagues, published in the most recent Journal of Family Psychology, has WebMD and LiveScience talking.

Each article takes a slightly different focus in reporting the study’s findings:  couples who had sex the earliest – such as after the first date or within the first month of dating – had the worst relationship outcomes, while those who waited enjoyed more stable relationships and more satisfying sex over the long haul.

Here are excerpts from each:

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Love & Fidelity Conference: Sexuality, Integrity and the University

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

Register before Nov. 1 for this annual conference  at Princeton University on November 12 & 13.

It begins Friday (8 pm) with “Friends with Benefits or the Benefits of Friends? The fall of friendship in the hookup culture and the need for its restoration to relationships.”

Saturday’s fare includes “Masculinity and the Real Man” and “Feminism and Femininity,” breakout sessions for students and faculty, and an expert Q&A panel.

Love & Fidelity Network’s third annual conference looks to be a good one.

A feminist worries about teens and porn

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

Carolyn Moynihan at Mercatornet previews of a feminist’s new book.

A British feminist is sounding the alarm about the effects on teenagers of easy access to pornography, saying that a skewed view of sex is becoming the norm in society and the idea of intimacy is dying.

Natasha Walter tackles this subject in a book, Living Dolls, due to be published early in February, which looks at the resurgence of sexism in contemporary culture. 

Could a feminist be regretting the sexual revolution?  Not a chance.  Walter only regrets that the women who tried to emulate the wanton behavior of bad boys during the last few decades haven’t achieved ‘equality’.  She thinks children’s ‘voyeuristic’ view of sex is bad for women because:

“This means that men are still encouraged, through most pornographic materials, to see women as objects, and women are still encouraged much of the time to concentrate on their sexual allure rather than their imagination or pleasure.  No wonder we have seen the rise of the idea that erotic experience will necessarily involve, for women, a performance in which they will be judged visually.”

Moynihan takes issue with Walter’s new twist on the old feminist whine:

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