Archive for the ‘Hooking-up’ Category

“Shame Cycle: the new backlash against casual sex”

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

Jessica Grose at Slate.com pens an interesting piece on the shame cycle women feel after pursuing a life of casual sex.   Feminist authors Julie Klausner and Hephzibah Anderson are among her several examples. 

“When you cry about things not working out,” Grose quotes Klausner in a new collection of essays, “you’re crying not only because a guy you slept with now doesn’t seem to care you’re alive, but also because you’re ashamed of yourself for crying.”

Grose also quotes Anderson’s confession (in a book to be released this summer) at having such deep regrets about casual sex that she gave up “penetrative sex” for a year:  

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Divorcing sex from feelings and attachment

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

The Week had a thoughtful article recently on love in the time of hooking up (full article posted here and here). 

“In the dating era, students would go on a date, which might lead to something sexual,” says Kathleen Bogle, a sociologist at Philadephia’s La Salle University.  “In the hookup era, students hook up, which might lead to dating.”

Is hooking up harmful?  Depends on whether you ask peers or professionals.

Many college kids scoff at that very question.  They say they’re just having fun, and that as long as both people understand the terms, it’s win-win.  But some health professionals have raised alarms about the spread of sexually transmitted disease, and warn that many young adults are paying a price for learning to divorce sex from feelings and attachments.

“They don’t learn to build that emotional intimacy before they get physically intimate,” says adolescent gynecologist Melissa Holmes.  “They may grow up not knowing how to connect with a partner on an intimate level.” 

James Cox, director of the counseling center at the University of Pittsburg, says more than a quarter of his clients come in with anxiety, depression, and other emotional problems because their relationships feel superficial and confusing. 

“Hooking up is like any other kind of peer pressure,” he says.  “We need to encourage students to make independent, healthy choices.”  That may be especially true for women.

Why especially for women?

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Hook-up regret, false rape charges, and videos

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

Rape is a horrendous crime that can never, ever be tolerated in a civil society.  Neither can false charges of rape.  Both are devastating to the lives of their victims.   Cathy Young raises some interesting insights and questions in her Newsday op-ed, The Unique Power of Crying Rape:  

The recent incident at Hofstra University, in which a student claimed that she was gang-raped in a men’s room, has reignited the ongoing and often bitter debate about false accusations of rape.  Are false rape charges a serious problem exacerbated by feminist claims that women don’t lie about rape?  Or is the issue being blown out of proportion to discredit feminists and cast doubt on the credibility of rape victims?  Should women who bring false accusations be prosecuted or treated as troubled people who need help?

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Tufts University going to bat for uncomfortable students

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

This article appeared in the Boston Herald this morning and addressed an interesting move by Tufts University to curtail the practice of “sexiling” or engaging in intimate acts in the presence of a roommate.

One would hope that an individual’s common sense would prevent them from having sex in front of a reluctant other but it appears that common sense may be lacking at Tufts resulting in regulation effectively forbidding the practice.

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Ever feel alone?

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

Ever get the feeling that you’re all alone in thinking that hooking up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?  Well, you’re in luck because you’ve just stumbled upon a blog full of ladies who feel exactly like you do and aren’t afraid to say so. 

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