It looks that way. Stephanie Chen’s CNN article, No Hooking Up, No Sex for Some Co-eds, reports students are choosing to disengage from the often alcohol-fueled hook-up scene that leaves many women with a hangover of the blues even if they manage to avoid getting a sexually transmitted disease.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise. While some researchers have found no long-term harmful psychological damage from hooking-up, other studies, writes Chen, “have shown the instability from hooking up can cause depression. Repeated rejection and detached relationships can also damage self-esteem.” Even researchers who discount psychological damage warn that the hook-up culture has become a “direct route for spreading STDs,” since those who practice this type of sex tend to engage with many more partners.
A growing body of evidence suggests women and men have very different morning-after reactions to friends-with-benefits, hooking up, and similar nonromantic sexual relations.
A 2008 study of 1743 men and women found that 1 in 2 women have negative feelings about one-night stands, compared to 1 in 5 men:
Eighty per cent of men had overall positive feelings about the experience compared to 54 per cent of women. Men were more likely than women to secretly want their friends to hear about it and to feel successful because the partner was desirable to others. Men also reported greater sexual satisfaction and contentment following the event, as well as a greater sense of well-being and confidence about themselves.
The predominant negative feeling reported by women was regret at having been “used.” Women were also more likely to feel that they had let themselves down and were worried about the potential damage to their reputation if other people found out. Women found the experience less sexually satisfying and, contrary to popular belief, they did not seem to view taking part in casual sex as a prelude to long-term relationships.
Yet relationship is what women DO want according to a just-released study cited by Chen:
An April 2010 study from James Madison University in Virginia revealed more college women tend to want a relationship out of a hook up compared with men who prefer to stay independent.
An earlier post (Shame Cycle) highlighted feminists who had turned against the casual sex culture. Chen points to a similar backlash from some in the entertainment industry:
The idea of rejecting hook-ups may not be as strange as it sounds in a generation surrounded by sex. Pop star Lady Gaga recently announced she was celibate and encouraged others to follow.
In Kelly Clarkson’s song “I Don’t Hook Up,” she addresses the dominant hook-up culture: “I do not hook up, up I go slow, so if you want me I don’t come cheap.” [Listen here]
Now the backlash is hitting college campuses:
Evidence of the backlash on hooking up on campuses can be seen in the growing popularity of the Love and Fidelity Network, a secular, nonprofit group dedicated to helping college students open the discussion for a lifestyle that doesn’t involve casual sexual activity with anonymous or uncommitted partners.
The organization, which promotes sexual integrity and defends marriage through discussion and speakers, has gained a presence on at least 20 schools from Harvard University to the University of Notre Dame since its inception in 2007. There is no official count on the number of students who participate in the Love and Fidelity Network. But at Princeton University, about 40 students have joined.
Chen cites other organizations emerging on campus as well.
All this bodes well for women who have felt coerced into joining a college lifestyle that left them empty and unhappy. They can also take encouragement from this surprise finding in the JMU study:
Overall, both genders showed a preference for traditional dating over hooking up.
The times really are changing.
Tags: CNN, Love and Fidelity Network, psychological harm, STDs, Stephanie Chen
Isn’t this how societies and cultures go though? I mean, you have a period of social change/rebelliousness followed by a more conservative period? The Victorian Era came before the Roaring Twenties, then the depression hit and WWII then the fifties. Of course, with the advent of the media age, subcultures emerge and things drag out a little longer because of more exposure. So instead of there being one dominate culture, there’s many subcultures vying for attention. For the last decade or so promiscuity was popular and considered normal, now all the cool kids want to be different from the nerds and being abstinent or celibate is cool. Or something like that.
I wish we could get rid of the double standard though. A one night stand improves a man’s standing but damages a womans? Lame. Beyond that, i feel like one night stands would be less damaging if people bothered to negotiate/actually talk about expectations. Sadly, my generation kinda sucks as far as maturity in sex goes. Most don’t feel the need to wear condoms for oral, and most have gross misunderstandings about sex and disease in general. A glance at Texts from Last Night would show that. (No boys, the vagina doesn’t get loose because a girl sleeps around. If a person is too drunk to drive then they are probably too drunk to have sex with and then yes, it’s rape. Yes girls, you can get STI’s from oral, put a condom on it first, use a dental dam)
I don’t have one night stands, they aren’t for me. I don’t really care if other people have them, as long as they’re being safe and know themselves well enough emotionally to be able to handle them. If hook-up culture were to die, the media might have to pay attention to something important rather then scaring parents and over-concerned do-gooders with the sordid details of their teen or young adults hypothetical sex life. Maybe as a society we could move on from sex being notches on a guys belt/bed post and as a reason to devalue women. The kids are alright.
(Also, Lady Gaga is full of Awesome. Free condoms are provided at her concerts for anyone who wants them.)