The University of Alabama Kaleidoscope published an interesting point/counterpoint yesterday on the subject of sex education generally — and abstinence specifically – here.
On point:
Sex cannot be taught just as a physical act – the ins and outs of STDs and teenage pregnancy. The financial, emotional, and even spiritual responsibilities should be thoroughly addressed during sexual education, which would make abstinence a logical decision, not a fear-driven one.
Counterpoint argues:
While encouraging teenages to abstain is wise, it is dangerous to ignore or discourage means of safe sex.
[snip]
Educating teens about diseases is all the scare they need, but not including education about safe sex only spreads the diseases further.
Both raise interesting questions to ponder. On the one hand, the idea that the K-12 age group is capable of making logical decisions (point’s point) doesn’t hold water in light of NIH studies indicating that the part of the brain governing reasoned, logical and rational decisionmaking isn’t fully developed until the mid-20s (food for thought here).
On the other hand, counterpoint’s point that diseases are “enough to scare” the K-12 age group doesn’t make sense either since fear of crashes don’t “scare” them into safe driving habits (more food for thought here).
If logic and fear aren’t reliable approaches, what’s the solution to making sex-ed better?
I’m sure we could learn a lot from the example of the Netherlands, where sex is much more widely talked about to kids from a young age, where there’s much less of a stigma attached, where it’s easier for kids to talk about loving and fun sexual relationships with their parents, and therefore where sex isn’t a taboo but simply something to do when you feel ready and comfortable with another person. And while it’s technically legal to have sex at a surprisingly young age (early teens), there’s no pressure to ‘do it’ then, cos sex isn’t stigmatised and therefore doesn’t have the aura of cool that any forbidden activity will inevitably get.
Result? way better sexual health, lower teen pregnancy rates, etc.
I’ve been working with kids for years, and I was one not that long ago- the easiest way to have kids trust you is to always tell them the truth. They’re going to find out down the line anyways, you may as well be honest with them from the start. So, accurate statistics, medical information, and phone numbers for abuse hotlines would be first on my list. (Because they are dealing with abuse, no matter where the school is or how rich they are, I guarantee someone in that class has either been abused or has cared for a frien who has been.)
After that- well, I’m working on becoming mainline Protestant clergy, and I’m tough as nails when it comes to the separation of church and state. So I’d like to phrase this as ethics rather than morals. Sure, talk about what makes a healthy relationship, where the lines in the sand start when it comes to boundaries and abuse, what makes sex special. Do not, under any circumstances, promise the kids the sex will be better if they wait. The phrase “practice makes perfect” is too obvious a comeback.
Instead, point out that sex is as physically vulnerable on a number of levels as you can be with another person, and when you make yourself vulnerable physically it should be with someone you feel safe with, someone who has shown themselves to be trustworthy in the past. And as it’s a major milestone, it should be celebrated that way. You only invite people you like, people who matter to you, to your 16th birthday party- shouldn’t the person you have sex with matter to you?
I read a book about a prison chaplain who was working with teenage girls in jail with their decision making processes. They had no idea how to set boundaries, how to say no. These are the first things we have to teach our kids- the strength and self-reliance to make those decisions. Hand-holding and mollycoddling just tell them they aren’t smart enough to make their own decisions, so they let their peers do it for them. Let’s let our kids be individuals and learn how to be themselves.