It’s like feminists think of the dumbest/most disgusting things men do and say “hey we’re equal; we should do that, too!”
I’ve heard many feminists make the fair point that when women sleep around they’re called sluts, but when men do it is socially acceptable. However, instead of campaigning against men sleeping around, feminists decide they want to sleep around, too!
In an episode of the show “Sex and the City,” the main character Carrie asks,
“In an age where women enjoy the same money and successes as men, why shouldn’t women be able to enjoy sex like a man?”
An article in Marie Claire titled “How to Date Like a Man” gives their take, providing tips for women who want to “take charge” of the dating world the way men do. Here are some of the gems they offer:
You want to have sex with him. So do it already. Enjoy it. Tell him what you want. Make him your momentary love slave.
And make sure you…
Give him a fake cell number. In this age of the Internet, anyone can find you if they want to, but, that being said, it doesn’t mean you should hand out your cell phone number to every last guy you happen to sleep with….So you’ve had sex. Good for you! Guess what? You never have to talk to each other ever again if you don’t want to. Know why? It’s not required to talk after sex. If you had a good time but you don’t want to date him, don’t call him. If you had a good time and you do want to date him … don’t call him. Know why? Because you just had a one-night stand. And one-night stands, barring unforeseen circumstances, will never wind up in a relationship.
And to sum it all up:
one-night stands are awesome. No muss no fuss, no strings, possibly good sex, no worry about the following morning or possible dating situations.
Then there is an article in the Los Angeles Times discussing the quickly-growing “female sex tourism” industry. What?!
Now there is a new show on ABC called “Cougar Town.” The concept is quite disgusting (so is the acting, actually). Courtney Cox is a 40-something divorcée who decides that if her male neighbor can have casual sex with multiple hot young girls, then she can do the same with young boys. And I do mean boys. At one point she flashes a high school boy, causing him to crash his bicycle, to prove that she’s “still got it.” She even makes a disgusting comment about wanting to lick another high school boy’s body, only to be mildly embarrassed by the fact that his mother is sitting right next to her listening to her pedophilic fantasies.
Modern-day feminists have reduced a valid cause (equality for women) to nothing more than sex. This is the precise reason my colleagues and I at the Luce Policy Institute do not label ourselves as feminists.
Yes, we have a mission to prepare and promote women into leadership positions. We believe that women have different and important perspectives on current events that are valuable to the political playing field. We want young women to feel like they can take charge in the classroom and become leaders for conservative issues.
Maybe that is “feminism,” according to a textbook definition. But articles and television shows like the ones listed above have painted a picture of feminism that is oversexualized and completely demeaning to women. Left-wing feminists make it seem like women have to choose between being sleeping around like men and being nuns; that a woman who waits until she is married to have sex can’t possibly be “liberated.”
The attitude that woman should do things because men do them and we want to be equal is absurd and childish. That’s how I acted when I was seven years old my older brother got to go do something that I didn’t. “How come he gets to do that? That’s not fair!”
Early feminists didn’t want women to have a vote because men did. It didn’t matter that men did. They wanted to vote because women are human beings and can and should have a say in what’s going on in the country.
Grow up, feminists.
Eh? Women can pee standing up. IDK what your problem is. Step 1, stand up. Step 2, pull skirt, panties, and labia out of the way (pants are trickier for this). Step 3, pee. Step 4 ??? Step 5 PROFIT! Sure, your aim’s not so great, but most guys can’t boast that either.
As hot as that first Marie Claire quote is, it’s really not a feminist magazine (most mainstream fashion magazines don’t qualify). Cougar Town is horribly problematic, and has been criticized heavily on popular feminist blogs such as Feministing. So you’re setting up a strawman here, by trying to make “the feminists” take responsibility for what non-feminists are doing. Frankly, I don’t think that I’m pushing the idea that women have to choose between casual sex and the nunnery; I’m not into casual sex, myself (maybe in fantasy
). But that doesn’t mean I go loudly judging them like you do. I don’t think I’m that rare in the feminist community, but my choice is less talked-about because there’s not as much for anti-feminists to throw a fit over. You don’t want women having casual sex and I… don’t have casual sex. Yeah. Not much to complain about, is there?
I have been reading through the comments on this site and thought I would add my own blurb to this particular post.
Overall I think the commenters on this post “get it” so to speak. You are all right. Feminism is about choice and the feminist movement did open a lot of doors for ladies. I don’t know about you but I probably wouldn’t have the education and job I have now if not for the brave women who fought for those priviledges so many years ago.
I don’t think anyone is trying to hurt anyone here and put anyone down. I personally don’t care what you or anyone else does in their personal lives. It’s none of my business.
But I know I would have made some different choices in my life if I had really understood the dangers of promiscuity and how oxytocin works. It isn’t about telling you that you’re wrong or somehow less than a human being. It’s about giving you all the information you need so you can make an informed decision on your own. What you decide to do with that information is your own business.
“instead of campaigning against men sleeping around, feminists decide they want to sleep around, too!”
Soooo, when are you anti-feminists going to begin your campaign against men sleeping around?
Just a quick note on peeing whilst standing, do you have any idea how difficult if you have to pee outside or i a dirty restroom? Of course peeing while standing up is great because every time my family and I go on a road trip, I feel my brother has it better because he doesn’t have to touch the toilet seat.
But feminism is about choice, the problem is that all you see is someone trying to be completely opposite from your stand point on sex and abstinence. But unlike the belief that girls should wait until they are married to have sex because their virginity is their biggest gift (god forbid it’s her sense of humor, intelligence, or just being a good person), feminism believes that you should have a choice. I (like many other feminists) believe that no choice should be covered in shame. I, like brl2w, don’t intend on waiting until marriage and am a full on feminist, but I find no real pressure from the feminist community to go have sex to prove anything.
And a quick question, how feminist do you think Marie Claire is? Along with this article they probably have one on “Please Your Man” and “How to be a Mom and Sexy, at the Same Time”. I do things because they feel right, if it’s something that usually a man does, so be it. But if you read a real feminist magazine you’ll find that most of our attitudes is following our hearts and having our rights whether or not it’s a ‘male’ thing.
Adm Note: Dr. Christina Hoff Sommers addresses radical feminism in this short video.
Yay!! Juicy blog post.
I’ve heard a feminist standpoint on Sex and the City arguing that the show wasn’t really feminist anyway; the main characters do, as you point out, spend the vast majority of their time chasing after men. They are all, ultimately, seeking a man for fulfillment and don’t seem terribly happy without one. I know it’s sort of splitting hairs, but whatever. Thought I might throw it out there as food for thought.
Feminism wants fulfillment that doesn’t depend on men, and that’s the anti-patriarchy/female empowerment side of it.
What has happened, though, over the years, is that the media has given feminists and their otherwise pretty agreeable cause this amoral, bra-burning, crazed image that has somehow made its way into the American mainstream (by the way, no bras were actually burned at the Miss America Pageant protest that brought the term fame… That’s not to say that the protestors didn’t try, but they couldn’t get a permit to start a fire). Not to be harping on the word, but that line of development smacks of patriarchal influence. Portraying feminists in the media and in the culture as a crazy, radical minority is patriarchy’s way of taking the teeth out of a really important movement to support and advance women in society. Left-wing feminists don’t necessarily advocate sleeping around (though I will freely admit that there are some people that do, and they are recognized by most people as a real minority in the movement); it’s mostly the media that portrays them as a sex-crazed, ugly, bra-less, man-hating minority (which, if you think about it, if all women were for women’s equality, then they would be criticizing a majority, which doesn’t work). The shows that you cite are part of this anti-feminist trend, whether it’s intentional, accidental, whatever.
Though the intent behind the Marie Claire article is probably good (the sort of “damn stereotypes to hell, I’m doing what I want” attitude), I have to say that I side with you (somewhat) on your point. Taking an eye for an eye and acting just the way a man would in pursuing and participating in a one-night stand only perpetuates a really hurtful and disrespectful behavior. I think that maybe what the author of the article was trying to get at was that women shouldn’t feel guilty about pursuing sexual satisfaction. Though I wouldn’t encourage one-night stands, if another woman likes them and wants them, whether she should pursue it is not my choice to make. However, I’m thankful that she feels free (read: liberated) and empowered enough to make her own decision. The solution to women being labeled sluts after one-night stands while guys can go out, do the same thing and become “the man” is not to stop having one-night stands. That would be a very convenient “band-aid solution.” Really addressing the heart of the problem would involve educating people about the double standard and seeking to change cultural beliefs. (Why aren’t men considered promiscuous when they sleep with a different woman every weekend/night/whatever?)
And, generally, I would say this sex-crazed attitude in the media that you discuss is just a cultural development that isn’t necessarily feminism’s fault. Feminism certainly helped get the topic of sex out in the open, but it’s not feminists’ fault that magazine covers look like monuments to sex and sexual satisfaction and which portray Americans as sex-crazed (or really sex-starved) animals. I think we’ve become more progressive and secular as a society and are more prepared/comfortable to talk openly about sex, and that may be more the source of this cultural development. Whether you think that’s a good thing or not is your prerogative, but I think that feminism generally played a very small role in the proliferation of sexual hedonism in the media.
To reiterate: The media, not feminists, have taken feminism’s cause and made it “nothing more than sex.” I cite Susan Faludi’s wealth of evidence on that point in “Backlash” as support for my argument.
And, to agree with brl2w, I would totally pee standing up too if I could. Public bathrooms are… Well, no need to describe. It’s not that I want to be equal to a man in all things, right down to anatomy (I acknowledge anatomy as a legitimate and perfectly okay point of difference), it would just save me some hygienic problems.
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As a feminist, I believe that women should have the choice whether to be abstinent or to be sexual. Feminism doesn’t tell women that they HAVE to be sexual and sleep around. If you choose to remain abstinent until marriage, then that’s perfectly fine. True, many feminists often do see abstinence movements as harmful. Since I was raised in an extremely conservative family, I can say firsthand how damaging it can be when women are told that their sole value rests in preserving their hymens. My sisters and I were taught that virginity was our “greatest gift” and being sexual would devalue us in some way. My older sister became severely depressed and suicidal when an ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted her, thinking that this meant she wasn’t worth as much. That’s unhealthy. I feel absolutely zero pressure from other feminists to lose my virginity. I don’t intend on waiting until marriage. I intent on waiting until I find someone I am close to, am comfortable with, and trust. You, as well as all other women, should be able to decide when, if ever, to become sexually active. Sexually active women shouldn’t try to make you feel ashamed about waiting until marriage or not sleeping around, just as you shouldn’t make them feel ashamed for being sexual.
Also, I think that women want to be able to pee standing up because it’s valuable in itself (just like sexuality), not because men can do it. In really disgusting public bathrooms or out in the woods or something, it would be really great to be able to pee standing up. Again, it has NOTHING to do with wanting to be like men. It has to do with not wanting to sit on an absolutely nauseating toilet seat.
You know, I always thought feminism was about choice. You want career, go get it. You want to be a housewife, thats fine, as long as you chose it and weren’t pressured into by society or men. This, despite the fact that I don’t agree with all feminist issues (who can? Feminism is such a vast movement full of different opinions) is why I call myself a feminist. To me, feminism is the belief that men and women are socially, economically and politically equal. That is the true, text book definition of feminism. So, yes, women should have access to the same sexual freedom men have. If they don’t want to sleep around, they don’t have too. Feminism certainly hasn’t forced me or caused me to step beyond what I’ve decided my boundaries are for sex, just to be a little more open-minded about what others are and that thats usually okay.